


Half life VR but the AI is Scrambled

by MaggotKid



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, How Do I Tag, Role Reversal, This is just the series but scrambled
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:07:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25122904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaggotKid/pseuds/MaggotKid
Summary: Half Life VR but the AIS roles are swapped around! Based on the au by @year2000electronics on tumblr !
Comments: 15
Kudos: 71





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’ll make this one chapter = one episode eventually. But to start off, episode 1’s gonna be split between this chapter and the second.. just cause. Hope you guys like!
> 
> Also here’s my post of the swaps!  
> https://passportguardian.tumblr.com/post/622930811079016449/hlvrai-swap-au

It was an ordinary day entering the Black Mesa Research Facility for Bubby. Getting bombarded by annoying coworkers trying to “small talk” him.. telling him about their pointless vacations or listening to guards talk about how sick they are of their jobs here.. of course you’re sick of your job, everyone’s sick of their job!

(Or at least… that’s the exposition the player was going with. Playing bastard characters was fun to some extent..)

He muttered generic greetings to coworkers and guards he was purposely not making eye contact with until a certain guard caught his attention.. 

This guard stuck out like a sore thumb.. with his helmet painted the most eye bleeding shades of yellow and red possible. He also seemed to be younger and more spry and active than the rest of the guards here who looked like they were going through their third divorces in Bubby's opinion..

Bubby also seemed to grab the guards attention since the guard ran up to him and stood in his path almost immediately. 

“E-excuse me sir! I’m really sorry but I… can’t let you go any further without a.. a passport!

Bubby looked up at the man (despite having a young face he was… a few noticeable inches taller than Bubby) with a scowl.

“What the hell do you mean a ‘passport’?? I don’t need some kind of company ID, I’m the man of the hour! I’m expected in the tes-“

“Oh..? What’s your name then? If you’re so important?”

(Shit. The player had just been calling his character “Bubby” the whole time as a bit.. now he’s being put on the spot for an actual name.. make it something good, you gotta stick with it-)

“...My name is Bubby.. Dr.Bubby..”

(Guess he’s sticking with Bubby..)

“Hmm.. Well I’ve never heard of a Dr.Bubby.. I’m gonna need y-your passport to confirm that you belong here!”

“Listen… young man-“

“My name’s Tommy!”

“..Listen, Tommy. I appreciate you being… enthused about your job but I’m kind of needed right now. Quit being a jackass! Look, this guy isn’t trying to restrain me!”

Bubby flailed his arms towards the other guard next to Tommy. Who.. didn’t really seem all that present. He was just staring into space with his fists clenched.

“Shhh! Don’t disturb him! H-he gets.. really angry from time to time.. he has anger issues! See, his fists are balled, he would’ve punched you but I chose to ask you politely!”

Tommy suddenly seemed worried by something, even though the other guard wasn’t moving an inch.

“O-oh no he’s getting angry- I need to! I need to calm him down, give me a moment, I-“

Tommy gently placed a hand on the other guards shoulder and began to sing.. except it wasn’t just singing. Some strange blue orbs were coming out of his mouth with every note. Every orb smushed right against the guards face, who still wasn‘t reacting.

“...what in the FUCK was that?!”

“W-what do you mean? I thought everybody could do the Black Mesa Sweet Voice… if you don’t know about the Black Mesa Sweet Voice.. Oh no! Maybe you don’t work at Black Mesa at all! I'm gonna need your passport to confirm-“ 

Bubby tries to push past Tommy and get back to his very important morning routine of not being bothered by anyone before Tommy holds his arms out in front of the doorway.

“I’m asking politely, Mr.Bubby!”

“Doctor..”

“I don’t want to be mean..” The young man pouted and held his hands together. It almost seemed like he was doing puppy dog eyes.

“I just want to do my job! Can I have your passport? Pretty please with a.. an orange slice on top? And a peach tea on the side?”

While Tommy was busy fantasizing about how good a peach tea would be right about now, Bubby had already ducked beneath his arm and continued his journey down the halls.

He enters the break room without a thought. He usually doesn’t come in here but he’s desperate to avoid the wide-eyed gaze of that security guard..

He saw a scientist staring at the billboards on the wall. Like that previous guard, he didn’t seem all there. He was about to walk out and leave the man to his dissociation before the man turned back to look at him. Oh god, hopefully this doesn’t result in another long winded delay..

“Yooo, new dude in the break room. Haven’t seen you here before.”

“That’s because I don’t t a k e breaks. I have more important things to do.”

The man standing at the board did a little peace sign and waved his hand about.

“Ah, I getcha my guy. Ridin that wave of science.. kickin it with your other Albert Einstein lookin homies..”

“What on EARTH are you saying??”

“Not important, dude. I got a favor to ask you.”

“If it’s anything about a ‘passport’, I’m out of here immediately.”

“Nah I’m not a bootboy.. lookin for your credits.. I just like.. want five bucks. Maybe fifty nine if you’re one of those.. real important scientists who makes those real… cash bucks..”

“What in the hell could you need that much money for??”

“Bro that’s personal stuff.. you don’t gotta ask what I use my money for.. it’s just for… lotsa sodas from that vending machine.. and not any subscriptions to playstation plus.. totes legit..”

“uGH.. sure, whatever. I’ll get it back to you after I finish up my test.”

Bubby stormed out of the breakroom, pissed at how many goddamn distractions were keeping him from his actual JOB. As he exited the room he could hear a distant shout.

“MAKE OUT THE CHECK TO BENREY COOLATTA.”

Finally, Bubby made his way to the locker room.. finally getting back to his actual JOB..

(This wasn’t just roleplay.. the player was.. kind of confused about the amount of strange interruptions)

Bubby sighed and trudged into the locker room, sighing with relief at the sight of everyone going about their normal work days. Nothing strange to see here-

“HOWDY, DR.BUBBY!”

Uuuuuugghhhhhh..  
Well at least this was a normal sort of annoyance. The kind of annoyance he was accustomed to already. 

Dr.Freeman waltzed into the room with his usual overly confident smile. 

“Another day, another dollar! That’s what we always say, here at Black Mesa Research facility!”  
He let out a hearty chuckle and grabbed Bubby by his shoulder, wrapping him into somewhat of a side hug. Dr. Freeman was always an enigma.. like a jock who snuck his way into the science division.

“You ready for your Big Day, doc?”

“More than ready..”

“The big ‘Resonance Cascade’! Real fascinating stuff, don’t ya think? Quite odd they didn’t let me perform the test seeing as I-“

“Was top of your class and praised as a genius back in college” Bubby muttered, clearly having heard this exact explanation several times before.

“I’m aware you wanted to activate the test, Gordon. You’ve told me plenty… p l e n t y… of times.” 

“Heh.. sorry! I rather enjoy… talking about myself from time to time! Seeing as I’m one of Black Mesa’s-“

“Top employees.. I know, Gordon.”

“Well, you better get a move on! Test’s not gonna start itself!”

“Will do.. thank you, Dr.Freeman..”

As loud and bombastic as he was, Bubby didn’t mind Dr.Freeman as much as he let on. He had way too much energy but at least that energy was put into helping others and actual work.. even if you did have to listen to him babble on about his college days and how great he is..

He headed towards the elevator and opened the next door ahead of him. Things seem to finally be looking up for

“There you are!”

soN OF A BITCH

There stood Tommy, the young guard from earlier blocking his path yet again.. how did he even get here so fast..?

“You forgot to show me your passport, Mr.Bubby! It’s ok, I’ll let you do it now! Better late than never!” Tommy said while rocking back and forth on his feet happily.

“I told you already, kid. I don’t. HAVE. A passport with me. It’s never been a company policy until… TODAY. Now out of the way, I need to get in.”

Bubby haphazardly shoved Tommy out of the way to press the elevator button and step in for the ride. Tommy slid through the closing elevator doors and stood waaay too close to Bubby.

“Can’t you see that I want nothing to do with you??”

“Well.. y-you may be a bit of a mean person.. but I like mean people! I like any kind of person I can find! People are interesting like that.. th-they have variation! Like soda flavors!”

Bubby moved his hand up and down like a little puppet, drowning out the guards rambling.

The elevator was about halfway down to its destination before Tommy suddenly slid through the small gap between the elevator and the doorway.

Once the elevator actually reached the floor, Tommy, having already gotten to the bottom, pressed his finger to Bubbys nose and smiled.

“Not dodging me that easily!”

“I wasn’t trying to-“

“I’m prepared for any possible way you try to leave my line of sight! I need your passport, Mr.Bubby! It’s really simple!”

“Any way… liiike.. if I were to point out those guards over there have coolers full of soda?”

Tommy immediately turned back towards said guards. He looked like a puppy who had just been kicked upon noticing the lack of soda. The metaphorical puppy had also been stepped on when he noticed Bubby running past him, cackling like an over the top cartoon villain.

(The player was just kind of happy that worked. It was kinda funny how easy that was..)

Down the hall, Into the next room.. he’ll lose this guard eventually.. 

“GOSH DANG IT!”   
A shout came from the back of the room, by the massive board of circuits. Bubby could see his old test partner, Dr.Coomer (otherwise known as the only man he tolerated in this facility) punching at the circuit board in an attempt to fix it. 

“WHY WONT THIS THING WORK- Ah! Hello, Doctor! Who’s this with you?”

“He’s nobody importa-“

“I’m Tommy! I work here!”

Coomer puts a hand on Tommy’s shoulder 

“Tommy, you seem like a delightful young man but you have to go back to your post. We’re doing important science beyond this point!”

Bubby sneered with a sense of victory

“O-oh it’s ok! I got you this!”

Tommy shuffled through his pockets and somehow pulled out a soda can, handing it to Dr.Coomer.

“...Well I do love a good soda!”

Bubby went from content to seething in a split second as his sense of victory crumbled to pieces. 

“YOU KNOW WHAT. TODAY IS THE DAY OF THE BIG TEST. I AM HEADING. TO THE TEST CHAMBER. TO CONDUCT. THE TEST.”

Bubby practically growled as he stomped out of the room, followed by a skipping and twirling Tommy.

They both happened to miss Coomer running as fast as he can and tackling into the computer mainframe headfirst.


	2. Chapter 2

At last, after what felt like a millennia, he reached the entrance to the test chamber. As much as he hoped he wasn’t, he knew from the faint glow of Light Up When You Step sneakers that the guard was still lingering close behind him.

“Look.. If you take one more step past here, you’ll be added to the list of workplace casualties. And I don’t want that being on my hands.”

“N-no, I’ll be ok! I’ve got this to protect me!”

Tommy knocked on his helmet with a big smile on his face.

“...I don’t think a cheap helmet’s gonna save you from radiation.”

“Oh, I’ve got more things to protect me! I’ve got.. helmet for head trauma.. special skin that can’t get radiated.. I’ve got-“

Bubby tuned out Tommy’s rambling yet again and headed into the test chamber, immediately hearing a voice over the speakers.

“BBBBBBBBBBBBBBB”

“What the FUCK was that?!”

“Heh, I just wanted to do that. Sup duuuuude~”

Ah. The man from the break room.. just who he wanted to see..

“Benrey Coolatta on the miiiic~ Yeaahh.. rock ooouutt…”

“Ugh.. listen. ‘Benrey’.. you see this young man behind me?”

“Whuh..? Oh yoooo, dude it’s Tommy. My guyyy”

“You know this man?! Not important.. if he dies, are you willing to take responsibility for that?”

“Pinning your murders on me?? Bro.. un-tubular of you.. SadChamp in the chaaatttt.. but yeah sure.”

Bubby sighed and climbed up a ladder to flip the first switch. He didn’t need to be told what to do, he’s gone over this plenty of times in his head. He’s prepared for this day..

He flipped the first switch and saw smoke pour out of a nearby vent.

“I don’t think that was supposed to happen, Mr.Bubby..”

“gAH!”

Tommy was standing right behind him, despite Bubby not even hearing the man’s footsteps behind him.

“I think y-you messed something up in the test.. maybe you don’t know what you’re doing..”

“I know exactly what I’m doing. Probably just a minor mistake.”

“Well.. how am I gonna know if it’s a minor mistake or if you don’t.. don’t really know what you’re doing? I’m gonna need to see your passport to confirm these facts, Mr.Bubby.”

Bubby didn’t even respond to him as he headed down to the next step.

“Sorry I’m late!!” Dr.Freeman chimed in over the intercom.

“I was busy wrapping up some extra work for my fellow Black Mesa employees! I volunteered to help some of them get work done they didn’t want to do! I think that’s awfully considerate of me~”

“Awfully considerate of you, Dr.Freeman!” He heard Dr.Coomer parrot back to him.

“Why thank you, I’m touched~ Anywho! You see what the next step is, right Dr.Bubby? I could provide assistance if you don’t know, seeing as I’ve prepared for this day! Probably more than you ha-“

“I know what the next step is, Gordon. T h a n k Y o u.”

“Just trying to help!”

“Alright..” Bubby murmured under his breath. “Just have to push the cart in.. slowly and gently..”

And he did just that.. pushed slowly.. and gently.. slowly… and-

“MISTER BUBBY, ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE DOING THE RIGHT THING?”

Bubby shoved the cart out of the way to yell at Tommy before he realized… he pushed the cart out of the way.. 

Oh dear..

Everything in the test chamber was buzzing and beeping and every scientist in the vicinity seemed to be off the shits because of it.

“BROOO WHAT DID YOU DOOOO”

“Things would have gone better if I had been in charge of the test! You see, back in my early days of wor-“

“Dr.Bubby, I’m afraid you’ve fucked this whole thing up for everyone!”

Bubby was barely processing anything the scientists were saying, he was too busy panicking over what would probably be known as Black Mesa’s biggest fuck up..

Which would be funny to witness, but an absolute travesty to be responsible for. 

The last thing Bubby saw was Dr.Freeman leaping from the test chamber window.

“I CAN FIX THIS, DON'T WORRY!”

Only to collide with Bubby and knock both of them out cold.

Bubby woke up with an aching feeling in the back of his head.. probably from Dr.Freeman accidentally tackling him in an attempt to fix his mistake..

It seems everyone had gotten as far away from the test chamber as possible, leaving him alone with his thoughts and his scientific fuck-up. 

He groggily head out of the chamber into the halls, where he encountered Dr.Coomer.

“Ah! There’s that motherfucker that fucked up this whole experiment!” Coomer announced with his ever present smile

“I wasn’t the one who fucked it up! It was that DAMNED security guard!”

“Well, I don’t think it was that ‘damned security guard’ who pushed the cart in too fast. While the guard was no help, you’re the one who fucked up the fuck up, Dr.Fuck-Up!”

“Call me a fuck up one more time and I’ll break something of yours..”

“I’d like to see you try, my good bitch!” Coomer shouted, proudly as he readied his fists.

“He did mess everything up, but that’s not very nice to say!”

Aaaaand there was Tommy..

“Where the fuck do you keep coming from?”

“I scurry in the walls for fun, Mr.Bubby!”

“Yeah? Well go catch asbestos elsewhere.. I’m in the middle of regretting my life choices..”

Bubby once again wanted to get as far away from the guard as possible, so he walked into the next room only to see Benrey surrounded by several.. alien looking crab things.

“Check out these gnarly lil guys. I’m gonna call this one Diary of a Wimpy kid, this one’s gonna be-“

“LOOK OUT!”

In came Dr.Freeman, deploying a.. gun from his arm- Bubby has stopped questioning things- and shooting down the headcrabs that were trying to feast on Benrey.

“Woah… You’re tricked out with that cool shit.. what happened to your arm?”

“Only the best cybernetic enhancements for Black Mesa’s best employee! It’s pretty ‘poggers’, as they would say on Twitch.Tv, the online streaming site that-“

Gordon’s incredibly humble monologue was cut short by Coomer absentmindedly wandering down the next hall and Bubby following, since Coomer (despite the insulting nicknames) was still the only man here he gave a shit about. He gave a S l i g h t shit about Dr.Freeman, but most of the time the doctor was too obliviously cocky for his own good.

They head down the hall to see Black Mesa’s totally professional laser grid has started malfunctioning.

“Oh shit, this is like one of those… dodging minigames… you gotta duck under these fuckers or else the buzzer will ring and you won’t get as many tickets.. it’s like except it’s deadly.”

Tommy sighed as he took a seat on a nearby box.

“Man.. all this work is making me tired.. I need to take a break..”

Turns out Tommy was so tired that he wasn’t aware of the laser firing directly into his helmet.

“Tommy, there’s a-“

Bubby placed his hand over Coomer’s mouth and shushed him. 

“Maybe if we let him sit there for long enough, he’ll e x p l o d e…”

“Dr.Bubby, if you don’t take your hand off me, I will break your arm!” Coomer cheerfully mumbled from behind Bubbys hand.

“Alright alright, fine.”

Bubby removed his hand and the gang kept moving along, Benrey continually ducking and doing ‘sick tricks’ while dodging the lasers.

The group kept walking until…

(Oh god, something fucked up.)

(That’s a fucking half life 2 model.. shit’s already fucked, now THIS is here..)

Thankfully, Bubby was the only person who noticed the model.. along with Benrey for some reason who stared at the strange T-posing man in the middle of the hall.

“Damn… them graphics… high def….”

“Alright, everyone in the elevator. One at a-“

Bubby presses the elevator button and suddenly hears several screams from above as three scientists plummet to their deaths.

“...Dear god..”

“Now if I had been in charge of the elevator, I would have noticed those fellows and NOT killed three innocent lives…”

“Now Dr.Freeman, we all have body counts! No need to stress about an additional three!”

“We all what-“

“Onwards gentlemen! I’m sure we can find a ladder somewhere, seeing as the elevator has mashed three men like potatoes!”

The men head towards the breakroom and Dr.Freeman seems rather excited about the soda machine.

“Oh!! A vending machine! We can use this to stock up on supplies!”

He shot at the vending machine and let all the soda cans spill out from the broken machine.. only for the science team to start shotgunning them all immediately.

“aaaAAAAA WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING?! WE’RE GONNA NEED THOSE FOR LATER ON IN OUR JOURNEY!! What kind of a team leader am I if I let our team run low on supplies..”

Bubby stopped chugging a soda only to bitch at Dr.Freeman.

“Nobody said you were the LEADER.”

Gordon immediately seemed distracted by some chitchat coming from the locker room. He gasped loudly.

“MORE SURVIVORS! Onwards gentlemen!!”

Dr.Freeman ran off as fast as he could, as the others wrapped up their soda chugging.

“ATTENTION EMPLOYEES OF BLACK MESA RESEARCH FACILITY! MY NAME IS DR. GORDON FREEMAN, you’ve probably heard of me, AND I'M HERE TO SAVE YOU A- AAAAAAAAAAAA”

Dr.Freeman was cut short yet again by all of the scientists exploding at once.

“WHAT HAPPENED??? WHY DID THEY.. WHAT DID.. WHADDA HAP… W H A H…”

His panicked expression suddenly seemed to reset as he smiled at the group.

“Howdy! We should get a move on!”

“Bro weren’t you just.. worried about the.. spontaneously combusting science boys..”

“Well!” Can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs! 

“Brooo, don’t say that.. makes me think of whatever was in that microwave earlier.. I’m kinda hungry..”

After a bit more adventuring through the facility, they came across another remaining scientist.

“Hey.. that man looks kind of like Dr.Freem-“

Dr.Freeman immediately deployed his handgun and shot him in the head with a completely straight face.

“I’M the protagonist…”

(Wow!.. Terrifying.. Wonder what would happen if Dr.Freeman realized there was a player behind Bubby.. making him technically the protagonist.. fucked up if true.)

Tommy approached the corpse of the man and began to sing, dispensing more of those strange glowing orbs from earlier.

“...bro what”

“I’m en.. encasing him in a cocoon! So the body doesn’t rot and doesn’t.. make the facility smell like rotting meat!” Tommy said like it was the most darling thing and not.. disgusting.

“God, I need a fucking break…”

“A break would be delightful, Dr.Bubby! I can rest my fists for more alien destruction!”

Bubby curled up on the floor and seemed to just.. pass out immediately.

(In reality the player was just logging out of the game.)

“...Welp, he died. Time to get that fifty dollars from his pockets and play some bitchin viddy games..”

“No!! I-I don’t wanna.. report you to the Black Mesa staff for robbery.. plus I don’t think you can play ‘viddy games’ at a time like this..”

“Damn..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s the end of the first episode! I’m having so much fun with this.. :3


	3. Act 1 Part 2

Bubby groggily sat up and made vague hand motions for the group to come to him.

“Ok.. if I’m stuck with you motherfuckers then we’re going to have to have…. a yeehaw of sorts..”

“...Mr.Bubby, what does that mean??”

“Ugh.. it’s a group meeting. Whatever, seeing as we have aliens here now.. Have any of you ever shot at shit before?”

Benrey raised his hand.  
“Oh yeah. Pleeenty of times.. you talkin console or PC?”

“I think he means in real life!” Dr. Freeman chimed in.

“Oh… nevermind then. Y’all are fucked. I’ve got nothing.”

“No need to fret! I’ve had extensive training from Black Mesa themselves! I could beat these things with my bare hands if I needed to!... not to brag or anything.”

“...You’re all fucking useless. Look-“

Bubby was immediately cut off by a distant “ooooo”-ing from the corner of the room. Tommy was gently holding a pigeon and seemingly singing to it, a teal beam coming from his mouth.

“Oh fuck… saaaame, bro.”  
“..Dr.Benrey! You never told us you spoke pigeon as well!”  
“Nah, Coomster.. I just get his vibes.. he’s hungy..”  
“Ah! Understood!”

And with that response, Coomer suddenly burst into flames. 

“It appears I’m burning, Dr. Bubby!”  
“I- ARE YOU OK?!?”

Coomer’s flame went out as soon as it came.

“I’m fine now, Dr.Bubby!”

The science team ventured through Black Mesa and wandered into a room filled with barnacles.

“These look like ropes!” Dr.Coomer gleefully remarked.

Dr.Freeman was quick to cut him off and begin walking into the room.  
“Don’t be fooled, Dr.Coomer. These are no ropes! They’re an incredibly dangerous alien species from the looks of it..” Dr.Freeman stepped even closer to the barnacles to point out its details to the group.

“You should stay very far away from th-aCK“  
And just like that, Gordon was lifted up by his throat by one of the barnacles.

(Bubby would have saved him… if the player wasn’t busy laughing at Gordon’s model flailing around suspended in the air. Seems Coomers already taken care of the issue for him)

After Gordon was rescued from the barnacle room, they reached a set of suspended boxes and a large pit.

Tommy seemed to flawlessly hop from box to box, singing multicolored orbs his whole way down.

“Nimble piece of shit.. making it look so easy...do you guys think you can make it?”

“Of course! I’m more than ready!” Dr.Freeman said with a wide grin. “Let’s go!” 

Dr.Freeman took one step and fell into the endless void beneath them.

“...RIP.. watch these sick parkour tricks…”

Benrey leaped to a closer box, and ended up overestimating the distance and falling into the pit.

“....”  
“...We’ll deal with them later, Dr Bubby! Onwards!”

Coomer lifted Bubby up bridal style and cleared the course with him in his arms.

(The player didn’t even know that could happen??)

Surely enough, everyone was waiting for the two of them at the doorway despite falling to their untimely deaths moments ago.

“..How the fuck did you…”

“Black Mesa equipped me with only their best equipment! Only the best tech for their best employee!”

“...Cheat code.. up up down down… insert coin… give the arcade machine a kiss..”

“Nothing you say makes any fucking sense.”

“Cool beans… we should uh.. get in the elevator now”

While Bubby was resisting the urge to have an aneurysm at Benrey’s incomprehensible slang, the team had been standing in the elevator waiting for him. 

On their ride up, Coomer gently placed his hand around Bubby’s neck.

“...Are you gonna strangle me or some shit??”  
“I would do no such thing, Dr.Bubby! I’m just showing you that I could snap your neck like a twig if I wanted to!”  
“...That sounds like you’re threatening me..”  
“Now, Bubby. You’re a great friend of mine! I have no reason to threaten you!”  
“That’s good-“  
“Yet!”

Another sector of Black Mesa entered, another set of opportunities for the science team to get themselves into trouble. As shown by Dr.Freeman walking up to a barnacle and staring right at it.

“Now I don’t see how anyone could fall for something like this! It’s so clearly a beast! Only a fool would get caught by- hELP ME BUBBY!”

“Oh my fucking GOD” Bubby shot at the barnacle, contemplating whether he should just let Gordon die one of these days. As soon as Dr.Freeman was freed he continued his monologue like nothing interrupted him in the first place.

“-One of these. Perhaps it’s just my specially trained eyes that can tell the difference between rope and barnacle..”

“Uh Huh.. and then what happened..” Benrey was busy speaking to one of the many pigeons that had materialized on the ground.

“coo.”  
“No wayyyy. That’s fuckin tight.. and they let you get away with it?”  
“coo.”  
“Gnarly…”

“In all my days as Black Mesa’s best, I’ve never seen this many pigeons before!”

“They probably broke out of the uhhh. Special pigeon division.. where all the employees are pigeons..”

“While you guys are being complete dumbasses, Dr.Coomer and I are trying to solve a puzzle.”

(The player was trying his damndest to make the flimsy prop box stay in place so he could climb to the next level.. but something kept rattling it)

Tommy was repeatedly kicking at the box while Bubby tried keeping his balance.

Tommy didn’t seem to have an explanation this time around. Only repeating “I didn’t let you in!” Over and over as he tried knocking over the box, and Bubby by extension.

When Tommy finally got distracted by Benrey’s riveting plotline about whatever the pigeons were talking to him about, Bubby climbed into the next room, only to get instantly shot at by turrets.

“WHAT KIND OF A FUCKING RESEARCH FACILITY ARE WE?! WHY DO WE HAVE TURTETS??”

“It’s the turreting test!! You’d know about it if you. If you really worked here..”

“I do work here.. i've worked here for years..”

“...If I remember right… t-the turrets don’t shoot you if you’re smart.. so it’d make sense they’d shoot you, Mr.Bubby..”

“I despise you… so much..”

Through several more hallways of frying computers and some random security guards the crew decided to murder, they reached a rather big alien creature.. that was instantly mowed down by Benrey and his pistol.

“...You said we were “fucked” when I asked you about your shooting abilities, how the fuck did you do that??”

“It’s like.. call of duty.. but real… it’s my pro gamer instinct..”

Bubby stepped over the currently bleeding out alien corpse into a room with another set of vending machines. An exasperated smile came over his face as he shot the machine open, watching the team run to the falling cans like moths to a flame. It was the only way he’d get some peace and quiet..

Except for Dr.Freeman who was looking Bubby up and down..

“Can I help you, fucker??”  
“...Oh! Apologies for staring, Doctor! I just wanted to see… something..!”  
“Can I ask what you wanted to see? I’m a genius but I’m not sure if that’s evident anywhere ON me..”  
“...You wouldn’t get it.” He said, seeming bittersweet about something.

...Strange..

The group settled down and sat in a corner for another ‘yeehaw’ session.

“So! Time for some group conversation! I heard it helps establish teamwork!”

Everyone was silent after Dr.Freeman's cheerful suggestion. Gordon awkwardly cleared his throat.

“How about I go first? Does anyone have any family? I had a son but he was lost in the software.. we’re working on getting the rights to him back! How about you, Dr.Benrey?”

“Uhhhhh.. I’ve got.. skeleton..”

“Thank you for sharing, Ben- you have WHAT?”

“Skeleton bro… his name’s…. Mountain Dew… Game Fuel…”

“...All of that’s his name??”

“I just call him game fuel but if you wanna get into.. credentials… he’s Mountain Dew Game Fuel… the seventh…”

Dr.Freeman seemed like he was forcing his smile.  
“Thank you for sharing with the Yeehaw, Benrey!”

Bubby had gotten bored of the yeehaw circle and climbed into a vent. 

(Desperate to progress the plot..)

He was lucky the science team had even heard him and decided to follow. They reached another puzzle with a moving ledge leading to the other vent. Bubby let everyone else cross the platform first so he could have time to himself.. to ya know.. hear himself think.

“Alright, here I come!”

(sHIT)

(THE PLAYER KNOCKED HIS GLASS OF WATER ONTO THE COMPUTER. FUCK FUCK FUCK.) 

Instead of moving with the platform, Bubby just kind of.. hovered in mid-air. The A of his Alright repeating itself, sounding like he was very softly screaming.

(Oh GOD, the game’s glitching.. it’s fine just get some napkins from downstairs and-)

As Bubby was left idle, he kept glitching repeating the same phrase.

“Here I come!”  
“Here I come!”  
“Here I come!”  
“Here I come!”

(Ok, that should have fixed things… Jesus Christ, he thought his monitor was gonna fry..)

Thank god nobody seemed to question Bubby momentarily short circuiting as they progressed through the map.

Coomer ran into a room and found a living scientist holding a first aid kit.

“It appears you need medical attention, right away..”  
“Why thank you, young man! I was in need of a boost!”

And as soon as he was patched up, Coomer shot the man.

“Why would you…”  
“That’s enough of a boost for today!”

“I need to see your passport!”  
“gAH-“

Tommy had just.. APPEARED behind Bubby.. Bubby hadn’t even noticed he was gone..

“I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. I don’t HAVE a-“

“What do you mean you don’t.. you’ve never told me anything! This is the first time I’m seeing you!”

“Wh- we’ve been on the same expedition for-. Alright! I’ll bite! If we’ve never met, what's your name?? COMPLETE STRANGER..”

“..s..Sunkist..?”

Tommy stood in front of Bubby with his arms out.

“Well if you don’t h-have a passport I’m gonna have to.. follow you till you show it to me! Only then will I leave :)!”  
“How did you say that last bit with your mouth-“

“YOOO, THIS PLACE HAS SNACKS!”  
“Snacks :D”

God this place was a nightmare..

They ran down the next hallway only to see that a door was suddenly closing in on them.

“D-dont worry!! I’ll hold it up!”

The rest of the science team walked through the door with ease, with ample time too. The door wasn’t even close to closing.

Yet Tommy still stood there, as it slowly closed in on him.

“..I don’t think he’s dead yet- I.. what the fuck are you doing??”

Tommy was split in half with a resounding crunch noise as the door closed.

Dr.Freeman wiped away a tear. “A brave man… it’s very sad but this is what he would have wanted…for us to keep moving! Let’s go!”

“Might as well take a commemorative photo in his honor..” Coomer mumbled sadly, as a camera materialized out of nowhere.

“...Alright sure. Pose everyone, this might as well be happening.”

Benrey began to vogue at the camera, Dr. Freeman smiled and gave a thumbs up, and Bubby flipped off the camera with a cheeky grin.

The photo truly captured the chaos of the group..

After a few more minutes of walking, Bubby swore he could see what looked like some kind of… big dog standing before him.. It smiled at him, yet simultaneously looked like it was staring into his soul. It gave him a sense of dread whatever it was.

“...Welp.. I think that’s enough for today..”

(The player needed sleep anyway.. there probably.. weren’t any golden retrievers in the original copy of half life..)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while! Hope you enjoy!!


	4. Act 2 Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand we’re back!

Bubby woke up to the sound of excited barking and the feeling of hot breath a few inches away from his face. 

Great...

Golden retriever was still there..

“Good morning, Dr.Bubby! As the leader of the group, I thought I’d take it upon myself to wake you up!” Dr.Freeman was way too loud for Bubby to stand first thing in the morning..

“Yeah yeah yeah.. before anything else. What the fuck is that?” Bubby gave vague indistinct hand gestures towards the dog sitting in front of him.

“Oh dear” Dr. Coomer muttered. “It appears he hit his head while we rolled him and he can’t remember Black Mesa… very tragic..”

“NO! I know where we are.. I mean the.. right in front of me-”

“The Huh?” Benrey chimed in from the corner. “Think you’ve developed… old guy disease. My gamer specs don’t see anything but floor. And the gamer vision doesn’t lie.”

“Nothing you say makes sense, ever.” Bubby groaned.

After some (what was unfortunately becoming) run of the mill trudging through corridors and smashing aliens to bits, his thoughts were interrupted by a sudden shout.

“Look, gentlemen!” Coomer chimed. “A train-“

“LOOK GUYS!” Dr.Freeman cut him off. “I’ve found a train!! Now we can get all a-rOUND the science!!”

“Actually Coomer f-.. whatever, everyone get on.”

Coomer pressed a button up front which caused the train to suddenly roar to life and start shakily moving forward.

Bubby leaned back and settled for a nice moment of just. Sitting back and relaxing for a bit. 

Benrey slowly shuffled to the front of the carts and observed the panel in front of him. “Oo button. Beep.”

With the push of a button, the train launched forward as both Benrey and Bubby flung out of the cart, screaming.

(They both clipped through the carts as well. The player had secretly hoped Benrey got stuck in the cart)

“Haha… whoooopss..”

“You little-... fine… this is fine. We can just catch up.”

“Woah-“

Bunny grabbed Benrey by his tie and pulled him forward towards where the rest of the science team had stopped.

He found Coomer and Dr.Freeman looking into a pipe.

“Are you sure this is the safest route? I’d hate to get a gooping, I’m terribly allergic to green sludge.”

“It’s a quicker route, that’s for sure! Plus if you have a reaction, I’ve been trained by Black Mesa to handle things like that! What a great leader I am, looking out for my fellow teammates!~”

The gang scoot through a pipe that smelled like sludge and OSHA violations as they reached a room with… 

God, this again.

“Ok. Freeman, we need to have a talk.”  
“Please make it quick, I’m in the middle of leader-ly duties!”  
“You see that up there? That’s a barnacle. That’s not a rope or.. anything worth approaching.”  
“What kind of a fool do you take me for, Dr.Bubby! I know what a-“

“aAAAAAAA”

Cue Benrey screaming in the distance, a barnacle wrapped around his midsection.

“God. FUCKING DAMNIT.” Bubby screamed as he shot at the barnacle, freeing Benrey.

“What the FUCK were you thinking?!”  
“I wanted to climb it… like vine of Donkey Kong..”  
“...Ok. Whatever. I don’t c a r e anymore.”

“Bark!”  
Just as things couldn’t get any more hectic, there stood the golden retriever from earlier. Suddenly standing in front of Bubby and staring into his eyes.

Bubby very slowly pulled out his gun and pressed it against the dog, making a comical squeaky toy sound effect.

As if some fucked up magic kicked in, Bubby was unable to pull the trigger. He physically couldn’t will himself to shoot the dog.

“I.. I fucking hate you.”

Bubby kicked the dog and it spun away, like a PowerPoint transition.

Bubby stared in terrified awe as the JPEG of a dog rapidly spun away before disappearing in a flicker of light. 

“I’m going to be real with you all. I am so fucking scared of whatever that is.”

“I agree.. Barnacles can be rather frightening” Coomer nodded, matter of fact.

(Coomer was trying his best and that’s what mattered)

The team moved on and found even more vats of chemical waste.

“Man.. there’s a lot of green shit in here.”

“Yup” Benrey said, suddenly next to Bubby. “And the guide books said these track. Government thinks this is coooooool beans.”

“Fuck the government.” Bubby replied. 

Benrey pointed at an alien squirming around in the sludge. “Government makes these fuckers… to eat nuclear waste. They’re here so that… five percent.”  
And that’s where the sentence stopped. Five percent.

“Your government talk is fascinating, gentlemen but we best get a move o- BUBBY HELP” Coomer shrieked as he tripped into the pit of waste, ragdolling near instantly.

Gordon ran up to the ledge where Coomer tripped and panicked. “GANG, WE NEED TO SAVE HI-“

“He’ll be fine.” Bubby replied.  
“He’ll be fine.” Benrey replied.  
“I’ll be fine :)” Coomer replied.

“How did- Howdy, Dr.Coomer!”

(It’s almost scary how fast that man’s dialogue outputs can reset) 

As the team made their way down the hall, they found another survivor of the resonance cascade..! Who looked surprisingly like Dr.Freeman.

Bubby approached the man only to see him fling across the room with a bullet wound in his head.. and Dr.Freeman holding a gun.

“Fake protagonist.” Dr.Freeman muttered.

“Hey! Dr.Freeman, I believe that was rather uncalled for-“  
Coomer playfully nudged Dr.Freeman, resulting in him ragdolling onto the floor..

Which then resulted in Benrey shooting Dr.Coomer.

“What the FUCK is going on??”  
“He’s uhhhh.. impostor… killing team mates.. gotta eject him before things get baaaadd..”

Both dead scientists came from around the corner, acting like nothing had happened.

(This is hell. The player was in hell.)

(All of these NPCs were deities of chaos. And the player was in hell.)

Surely things would get better in the next room. Oh look, another scientist-

“gAH!”

..the scientist was quickly pulled away by a gigantic tentacle hurling itself into the window pane.

(....aaaaaaAAAAAAA-)

Benrey smacked his lips. “..mhm. Yeah.”  
“OH WHAT.” Bubby shouted in a panic. “DOES THE GOVERNMENT APPROVE OF T H A T TOO?!”  
“Mmm.. sure they’ve approved of worse.”

“Doesn’t matter, everyone BOOK IT, BITCHES”

Everyone sped past the Tentacle beast and rushed into the next room.

“You got.. balls of steel, Bubs.. epic and swag.. Benrey approves.”

“Thank you but can you not.. point a gun at me when you’re.. complimenting me? That was a compliment right..”

“Dunno what you’re talking about.” Benrey said while he shrugged, and shot into the ceiling.

“Check this out!” Dr.Freeman shout from the other room.

Dr.Freeman was staring into a pit of green sludge with a little ledge several feet away.

“We should just go the other way.”

“I could j-“ Dr.Freeman cut himself off.  
“I could just jum-“ Dr.Freeman cut himself off again.  
“I cou-“ And again.  
“I-....Howdy Dr.Bubby!”

“You all tire me out so much..”

“(BEEP) DOCTOR. BUBBY. YOU ARE. WANTED. FOR. PASSS. PORT INSPECTION.”  
Was suddenly blasted over every intercom in the facility.

“Passports…??? Oh.. oh GOD no..”

“Iss ok. You uhh. Nabbed a lil passport off one of those dead guys, right?”  
“NO! Cause I thought I was in the clear over this passport bullshit!”  
“Now, Dr.Bubby. I’m afraid we have to go all the way back to the locker rooms. Which are a whole.” Dr.Coomer made a horrible beeping noise. “Hours away!”  
“We aren’t going all the way back! I don’t give a shit about passports, I don’t give a shit about that fucking radio voice and I d-“

“Howdy, Dr.Bubby!” Dr.Freeman smiled  
“I’m going to go punch some Black Mesa Beasts!”

After more trudging through identical looking hallways and Powerade puddles, they finally found something different.

“Oh thank god, an elevator. This could only mean we’re closer to the sur-“

“G-good evening,Mr.Bubby!! I.. don’t think you should be in this area..”

….There stood Tommy. Perfectly in tact. Alive and well. T o m m y..

“....”  
“..You look very on edge, Mr.Bubby…”

Bubby slowly raises his gun.  
“I thought… you were fucking… DEAD!”

“Oh!” Tommy chimed like he had just realized that himself. “Yeah but I’m ok now :)! Still.. still n-need those credentials.”

Bubby screamed as loud as he could while what could only be small flames surrounded the hands of the HEV suit.

“I DONT. FUCKING H A V E CREDENTIALS. WHAT THE F U C K DO YOU W A N T FROM ME?!”

The faint lights of blue flames lit the area while Tommy sat backed into a corner, under Bubby who was seething with anger.

Tommy smiled innocently. “I wanna follow you :D!”

The flames crackled and died as Bubby slouched over in disbelief.

“I think we should get moving!” Dr.Coomer shouted from the other side of the room.

“Sure. Ok. Get your asses in here. Let him come with, revived from getting spliced in half. Sure. Ok. Got it. This is fine and normal.”

“Y-you seem a little stressed, Mr. Bubby!” Tommy mumbled.  
“What makes you say that?” Bubby smiled a horrendously fake smile and looked at Tommy with eyes that could kill. 

All was unusually quiet the next few rooms, seeing as Bubby was busy simmering in Passport Related Rage.

They eventually encountered some sort of machine, with a Freeman Clone sitting on top of it.

Bubby moved to a corner to pout while Tommy started whispering to the clone.

“What the fuck are you plotting over there?”  
Bubby finally spoke up, glaring at Tommy.

“Oh, we were just talking about s”  
Tommy was suddenly sent FLYING by a punch from Dr.Freeman. Followed by the clone getting an equally hard blow.

Bubby burst out laughing and nearly fell off of the machine.

“HOLY FUCK, THERE HE GOES.”

“Dr.Bubby, I found a button!” Dr.Freeman sounded like he was holding back laughter of his own.

Right after the other got blasted into space, A Freeman clone stood in the next room over.

“Hi, Dr.Freeman!” Tommy smiled at him  
“That’s not Dr.Freeman, dumbass.” Bubby retorted at him.

Speak of the devil, Dr.Freeman got a running start and punched the clone square in the jaw, knocking him onto the floor.

“Not anymore it’s not!”  
“Hi, Dr.Freeman!”


End file.
